Emmys with Joan: Screw It, I’m Staying Home!
Hello, my darlings! Joan Rivers here, blogging for the first time in my short adult life.
I know what you’re thinking. “Why is Joan Rivers blogging?” Good question. My doctor told me blogging was what happened after eating too many bananas. But blogging is so much more — it’s sitting alone in a dark room, eating raw cookie dough out of the package while my dogs lick my bare feet, and wondering where my life has gone. Melissa, my daughter, love her to death, but the bitch never calls unless I threaten to update my will.
The next logical question is, “What should I blog about?” Well, I believe that old adage that you should write what you know. And what I know is that in less than a week, hundreds of starving celebrities will be dragging their skeletal remains down the red carpet for the 59th Annual Primetime Emmy Awards. I’ve been there for at least 57 of those 59 years, and frankly, the thought of standing out there in the sun screaming, “Who are you wearing? Who are you wearing?” would drench me with sweat… if only the Botox would allow it.
So here I am! In the comfort of my own home. All week leading up to the Emmys, I’ll be blogging my thoughts on the upcoming ceremony, and on the big night, my lovely daughter Melissa and I will be online, chatting with you and uploading thousands of photos from the red carpet only seconds after they’re snapped. And since this is the internet, and since most celebrities can barely read much less use a computer, I can finally get to say all the dirty and disgusting thoughts that those old-fashioned TV networks never let me get away with. As the evening wears on, Melissa and I will also be appearing in something called “Podcasts,” which I’m praying is some type of body-transplant surgery.
So join me, Joan Rivers, next Sunday evening for all of my Emmy coverage at EmmyswithJoan.com, and all this week for my exclusive blogging blog things. I may be staying at home, but I’m not staying quiet!
And now, an exclusive sneak peak at some of the fun to come Sunday night!
John Smith(real name) said,
September 11, 2007 @ 8:00 am
Joan,
thank god,thank allah…thank them all for you. There is no red carpet without you. Those fools have no clue. Lisa Rina?whatever her name is, has nothing on you. those lips are goping to need there own telecast let alone try and watch her stumble her way through each interview!!!
I love you Joan
Jessica said,
September 12, 2007 @ 9:33 am
Finally a reason to watch the red carpet again. I can’t wait.
Michael Coulter said,
September 14, 2007 @ 8:50 am
Hi, joan and Melissa I will miss just seeing you both there.I’ve alway’s wanted one or several backers for the only drive-in theater left here in this city to keep a part of movie history going and to have it with ticket sale money going to children hospital,can you help me find someone to keep these two worthy causes going and i’ll be watching you both…love you both…Michael Coulter
KELLY said,
September 14, 2007 @ 9:46 am
JOAN. YOU MADE E CHANNEL AND TV GUIDE, NOW WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED??? I DID WRITE TO GEMSTAR, ABOUT THIS , F–ING B.S. CEO DISNEY OF GEMSTAR, IS HE ONE I WROTE, THEY ALL HIDE THEIR EMAIL ADD. , BUT DID FIND IT. GET BACK ON TV PLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEASE, WE NEED YOU. ALL THE TALENT HAS BEEN KICKED ASIDE FOR NO TALENT MINDLESS , ROOM TEMP. IQ’S. LOVE YA JOAN………..
diane said,
September 14, 2007 @ 10:30 am
joan - you are the best! we will be online hearing your gems on emmy night!
enjoy and thanks for being there
Mark said,
September 14, 2007 @ 7:02 pm
Joan, History will show after this weekend that you are number one! Even Lisa Rhinna complimented you and said you are the Grande Dame. Forget Star Jones and all the other wannbes, you are the real thing. When the ratings go down, your price will go up! Good luck! Love and miss you here in Vegas!
Monica George said,
September 15, 2007 @ 3:13 pm
Who did you offend that they’ve done everything they possibly can to get you off the radar?? You have real wit and talent so no doubt you will still have a following willing to watch you from any venue…me included..
VancouverLovesJoan said,
September 15, 2007 @ 8:03 pm
Congratulations Joan…this form of broadcast is the perfect outlet for you. I hope you get to finally say what we’ve all been thinking for years about some of those hacks on the red carpet. You’ve broken into an exciting medium and I can’t wait to see how it works out!
Elaine said,
September 15, 2007 @ 10:51 pm
I’m so glad you two are doing this. You’ve always been my favorite. You tell like it is. I guess the networks can’t handle that. Lokking forward to your webcast….Love ya’
Leigh said,
September 16, 2007 @ 11:42 am
Hi Joan,
I will be tuning in, hope it is a success for you. You are the red carpet, how dare they.
Ferris said,
September 16, 2007 @ 12:06 pm
Oh Joan baby, I felt so terrible after I learned to know that you were not going to be on TV guide for Emmy. So I did google search to read news about where u were…But finally glad to hear you would be in your living room entertaining me. Will be watching with definately. Tell me whose dress u like and who u dont like…Make sure you kick their asses a big time!
Kristin in Wisconsin said,
September 16, 2007 @ 1:05 pm
Ha! I can’t wait! I’ll have the laptop on the cocktail table. It will be amazing to hear what you REALLY think.
Drew said,
September 16, 2007 @ 1:06 pm
Joan, Congrats on your Emmy role and telling it like it really is! Can’t wait until you finally are able to tell us who’s ‘really’ gay and just the ones who want to be! ‘Out’ them Joan! Can’t wait until you comment on Ryan Seacrest!! hehe It’s going to be fabulous!!! Won’t miss this one for all the rice in china! Love ya!!!
Drew from Canada.
Tara said,
September 16, 2007 @ 4:41 pm
Joan… Thanks for doing this, the 2007 Emmies wouldn’t be worth watching without hearing from you. Not sure what the execs are thinking, the hosts they have chosen are I am sure lovely people but let’s face it - dull dull dull!! and enough of Ryan Seacrest already! Enjoy the show and no worries about being on your best behaviour this year
Can’t wait 
Tara from Canada.
Monica said,
September 16, 2007 @ 4:44 pm
Joan, you’re the absolute best! Can’t wait to hear who’s got the cheapest engagement rings and which collagen lips are permanently stuck like a fish face… Who cares about the awards - I only tune in for you, Joan!
Lee said,
September 17, 2007 @ 1:05 pm
Missed you terribly at the Emmy event!
But unlike you said on Howard today. Melissa is not missed. You are the real deal.
Hope to see you back soon!!
Barbara said,
September 17, 2007 @ 2:55 pm
I could not watch it without you last night. I turned the TV off and read a bad book instead. I am so sad that I will miss the Oscars, too, unless you show up again. Please tell me there is hope. This is so sad.
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